


blue wind

by hcdalcxa



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-11
Updated: 2016-02-11
Packaged: 2018-05-19 16:59:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5974807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hcdalcxa/pseuds/hcdalcxa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>it must’ve been bad deeds from previous lives come back to plague her. the heavens seemed to send her curse after curse, misery after misery. and here was the most recent: clarke was over her.</p>
<p>.</p>
<p>lexa learns that about clarke and niylah's night of intimacy.</p>
<p>(this was a writing exercise so its not very long. just a passage.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	blue wind

Love was weakness. Lexa knew that from experience. **  
**

Nothing had been able to compare to the day Costia was brought back to her from the Ice Nation, but this, _this_ was definitely in competition for the second worst day of her life, only tied with the day she left the Skaikru at the mountain.

It must’ve been bad deeds from previous lives come back to plague her. The heavens seemed to send her curse after curse, misery after misery. And here was the most recent:

Clarke was over her.

Lexa had had her chance, and she’d blown it. And given the same choice, she would’ve done it all again– because it was her _job_. It was her job to keep her people safe. She was their Heda because she was _born_ to lead them, even if it meant demolishing any chance at happiness she might ever have. But the girl inside of her, the twenty one year old being with a beaten, broken heart and a stomach that flipped with she looked upon the Sky Girl, a pulse that pounded when she heard _her_ name, a headache that formed with every step she took away from her when she left her at the base of the mountain; well, Commander Lexa had once tried to bury that girl. Now, that girl was rising from the grave to haunt her.

Lexa had never meant to hear the information that Roan had given her. She’d expected it to be purely objective knowledge – clinical, even – that she could use either to somehow emotionally reach Clarke again, or use against the Ice Queen. But she was never able to journey far enough into the conversation to get that information.

When asked to recount his assignment, Roan began with where he found the Wanheda. In a trading shop, about two days south of the capital. With a woman whose name he was unsure of. He had ventured into the shop, asking the woman where he could find the Commander of Death, and she had given him false information. It was clear to him from the beginning that she was lying, so he waited beyond the door of the shop. But what he heard from inside of the hut could not be mistaken.

Clarke and the trader had lain together.

It was at that point in the conversation that Lexa had to excuse herself. She had lifted her chin, almost affronted by the knowledge. Had she respected or cared for the Ice Prince any more than she did, she might’ve thanked him for his news. However, she did not respect or care for him. So she left him to the guards. Indra was able to pull the rest of the story from his lips and deliver it to her the next morning.

As for Lexa, she immediately retired to her room.

It was the only time that the Commander had damned the fact that her room were at the top of her home, while the dungeons were held so far below. The guards couldn’t propel the lift fast enough, and she was only a few floors up when the first tear dropped.

She was able to compose herself enough to keep the rest from falling – at least, for the moment. She was resolute in that _no one_ could see her in this state; especially not the people she fought so hard to earn respect from.

When the Commander had finally reached her room, she propped her door shut and began to pace. Her thoughts quickly clouded her mind, her eyes, and her judgement, and it was within seconds that she could feel herself reaching for the chair that sat in the corner, only to throw it to the wall. She watched as it splintered, feeling unsatisfied. And sad. And angry. _And truly terrified_.

Clarke had lain with another woman.

Lexa could understand the spitting. She could understand the anger and pain in the sapphire eyes that she so often dreamt of. She could even understand the death threats as they pulled Clarke away. But this? Lexa had never expected this.

Clarke had not forgiven her.

It was with a heavy, sinking feeling that Lexa realized she likely never would.

She backed herself as far as she could go, finally reaching the wall. Her hands came to cover her eyes as the salty tears slowly brimmed and came to an overflow, eagerly streaming down the cheeks that had reddened in her fit. Her heart had not left her stomach and the lump in her throat had only grown in size. Her knees wobbled against her ribcage as she curled in on herself. Her body shook as waves of sadness washed over her.

Lexa wondered momentarily what she must’ve done in her past life to warrant such a curse. Then she remembered; it wasn’t something she had done in a past life. It was something she’d done only months before. She had been put in an impossible position, but she’d made a choice. One that impacted her now and forever. She had broken Clarke’s heart, and now the Sky Girl was only returning the favor.

Lexa wondered if Clarke had ever healed. She hoped that she had. As for herself? Well, Lexa was beginning to understand that whether she recovered or not, she was hexed. And soon enough, whether she recovered or not, another blow would eventually come to take her down.


End file.
